Position Paper on New Wordorization

I wrote this little rant as a joke for my husband and his Lieutenant.  There seems to be a huge problem around many fire departments with guys who try to speak above their level of knowledge.  In order to prove to themselves and others that they are in fact as intelligent as they are trying to sound, they make up complex words by either altering simple ones or pasting a few word pieces together.  By saying this, I am in no way saying that firemen are not smart.  Quite the opposite in fact.  Even something so simple as putting water on a fire actually involves solving a lengthy series of high-level mathematical calculations that these guys must memorize and compute in their heads before they can flip switches to pump water.  Pile the medical knowledge they possess and use on top of the math, physics, hazardous chemistry, strength and sheer bravery, and I think there are few professions in the world to compete with firefighting.  But, I still have to pick on their ritualistic slaughtering of the English language for the simple fact that they are fun to pick on and never miss an opportunity to pick on others.

I would like to clarificate my position on the formatization of new words. It is my opinionat that the majoritary of these words would be completely avoiderized if only education were of utmost importerance in families and schools these days. It is of great disfortune that I realize that most people choose to ignoranticate themselves. This, in and of itself, totally appalifies me. It shocksifies me that anyone would choose to sound so stupid.  Then again, I have duly notated the fact that most of the ignoramouses who utilerize words such as “irregardless,” “redemptorist,” or “interpretated,” are men who are actually trying to sound smart.

I think that their sad attempts at intelligenation are totally unusefull. Their utter dumbness stupidifies me. I find that it disturbates me even more to realitize that these people reproducate. Yes, not only do they fool other unknowings into sharing in their ignorant ideas, but they lure others into feelings of sensualness. Then the voluptiferous curves of a woman’s body causes their itty bitty common sense to leaktate out of them like the drippage of their lustfallacy (please note: the true definition of “fallacy” is “a deceptive, misleading, or false notion.” So, when coupled with the word “lust” this would insinuate any number of acts that occur in the extramarital affairs of couples everywhere. Perhaps the author will appeal to Webster’s to accept this word into the realm of everyday speech and definitions too.) This lustfallacy leads to fornicaterizing.To top it off, these perfectionately matched couples actually copulatify enough to reproducerize. Now this is just appalifying that people like this can legitmatingly make baby ignoramouses.

I propose to lawmakers everywhere that legally, the illegallacy of these words should supercede all previous decisions of Webster’s Dictionary and these words should be revocated immediately. The literate intelligents of the world would appreciate the respecticiation that proper English deservices. Thank you…and please look for future installments dealing with 1) Abbrevitations: Such as K for Tanker; 2) The Disimportance of Silent Letters: Such as “P”-Neaumatic; 3) The Alphabitty of Ebonics; and 4) Misspellations of Words B-Kuz They’re Kute.