Disciplinary Techniques

Since I've been a parent for the past 8 years, I feel that I know most of the disciplinary techniques available.  I've tried to be a good parent and not use the same technique too many times.  After all, my children, as with all children, seem to have spent the past 8 years pondering new ways to do wrong, feign ignorance, or push my "Piss Mommy Off" button at precisely the wrong moment.  I truly think children are naturally gifted in this department.  I believe it comes with the territory.

While I am not afraid to try new methods of discipline, I am also not one of the weak, sniveling mommies who thinks that my children should be able to run rampant and drive everyone within a one-mile radius nuts.  I actually believe that most children require a decent spanking now and then.  I don't promote child abuse, but even the Bible points out that if a parent saves the rod, then the child will be spoiled.  I've seen these spoiled, bratty children running amuck in stores.  I've even been willing to rent out my rod, but obviously the parents would have no idea what to do with it.  Lately though, it has become interesting to watch the reaction my own children have to these un-caged, utterly rotten children.

Storm, typically tucks her head and averts her eyes as though she's not really watching how badly the kids are behaving.  The entire time she is observing them she remains quiet, obedient, and directly beside me.  She usually waits until we are away from the rapscallion children and useless parents to ask me something like, "Mom?  Is that why you and Daddy get mad at us if we are doing something wrong?"

Oh, bless my angelic child.  Yes, Storm is a thinker.  She is an observer.  She is one who will blow me out of the water with her ability to see things not only through the eyes of a child, but through my eyes too.  I simply have to agree with her and tell her how she truly hit the nail on the head.  She then usually says how she's glad we discipline her so she doesn't act like that in public and have people show disgust at her behavior, like they do with these bad children.

Kacy, my 5-year-old, seldom slows down her own flitting or falling long enough to actually observe other children, but I have seen it happen once.  We were in a grocery store, buying snacks for her soccer teammates before a Saturday morning game.  The whole time I was in line and paying, there was a parent a few aisles over who was checking out and had two children with him.  I say "with him" loosely.  I'm fairly certain the children walked into the store with him and I saw them walk out with him, but in between those times, I don't think the man had any idea or any concern for where his kids were, what they were doing, what damage they were inflicting, or whom they were driving insane.

Kacy walked around the bagging area of our checkout stand and stood there staring, with her mouth hanging open and her huge eyes locked on these horrible kids.  She watched them run around empty checkout stands, chase each other up and down aisles, grab items off shelves to toss back and forth to each other, and actually knock into another lady who was headed out the store with groceries in her hands.  Kacy, who pretty much lacks a knack for tact and says most things at a volume usually reserved for rock concerts and University of Arizona football games, finally turned to me and said, "Mommy.  Those kids are bad!  Their daddy should spank them.  Did you see them run into that lady?"  The checkout guy helping us stifled a laugh with a snort when Kacy said this.  Apparently he couldn't stand these rotten little kids either.  I figured it was a perfect teaching moment, so I agreed with her.  I pointed out how Tradd and I don't let our girls run rampant in public and be disobedient because we don't want them to act like this.  She said that she would rather be spanked than act like this and have people say how bad she is.  If only she remembered this before the stern words or spanking.

Cameron, another high-thinker at almost 3 years old, is at a stage where she understands that she gets away with more because she is the baby and we are sometimes too frazzled and fatigued to properly discipline her.  Since birth, Cameron has been persistent to a fault.  If she wants something, she pursues it wholeheartedly and endlessly.  She usually wears us down throughout the day with a never-ending barrage of bickering and shrieking while fighting with Kacy over anything and everything.

Storm has found a way to deal with Cameron though.  Being the oldest child, we often give Storm the task of helping us get Cameron ready to go.  I'll ask her to help with her shoes, zip up her jacket, brush her hair, etc.  So, last week, we were getting ready to leave the house and I asked Storm to help brush Cameron's hair and clip it back.  Cameron apparently didn't like the way Storm was clipping it back, so she sent up her self defense mechanism and took to shrieking like a banshee at Storm every time she came near her head with the clips.  After several attempts, Storm tired of Cameron's game and shouted back, "Fine!  If you're not going to let me do it, than I'm going to have to do THIS!"

I spun around to where I could see them to make sure Storm wasn't going to try to spank Cameron.  No fear though.  Storm has her own battery of forces to use against her sisters.  Storm reached into her bag of tricks at this point and pulled out her personal favorite use of force.  She spun around in front of Cameron, bent in half and ripped a roaring fart right in her baby sister's face.  I was repulsed, disgusted, disbelieving and choking back bile all at the same time.  Apparently Cameron was caught somewhere between a state of shock and asphyxiation, so she just stood there and willingly let Storm clip her hair back.

Storm, of course, thought it was absolutely hilarious and launched into a maniacal round of laughter while she clipped Cameron's hair back.  I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't do that.  I wanted to tell her how wrong it was that she farted in her sister's face in order to get her to behave.  I wanted to tell her she should never do that again, but actually, I was sort of jealous.  Storm managed to stop Cameron's shriek fest dead in its tracks and get the job done within a matter of seconds.  I briefly considered adding this trick to my Bag of Disciplinary Techniques, but decided against it.  I lack the natural talent for flatulence that Storm has.  I could never achieve the depth, resonance, length of reverberation, or ability to fart on command that Storm has.  Some days, she's my hero...others, not so much.